Three Little Words

Toy. Story. Three. 

 Those three little words invoke fear, terror and blood-curdling screams from my five year old child.  Just the mere mention of Lotsa Bear and Co. will send him into an undeniable tizzy. Those three little words are all it takes to get him to finally listen when he otherwise refuses,  after it’s down to my last straw of “pleases” and  begging (I will not negotiate!)  and “I’ll take away your....”  (fill in the choice toy of the day) .  No, the horns just rip through my halo as I finally have had enough and exclaim, " If you don’t pick your jacket up off the floor, I’ll put on Toy Story 3!!!)

He drops whatever he is doing INSTANTANEOUSLY.   The magic expression  of the three little words has been spoken.  "Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!" He covers his ears and runs like the proverbial chicken with it's head cut off.  "I'll put my jacket away!" 

Okay, so it's mean,  but it's effective.  And I haven't done it that often. Once or twice.  Don't tell me you haven't gotten to your breaking point and made such a threat at one time or another!  And after all, it's Toy Story 3, I'm not telling him he has to spend the night with Stalin or that I'm dropping him off for afternoon tea with Mussolini.  No, he feels that witnessing Buzz Lightyear having to habla espanol is by far more disturbing then any monster that may be lurking in the closet.  Much more terrifying then any bumps, creaks and (un)settling noises that the house emits at bedtime. Creepier then a bunch of mutant sunflowers being hand-delivered to your door, carried by a member of Insane Clown Posse...(wait, that's my nightmare....moving on!)

Now, let me tell you something about Adam.  This is a child, who since the age of two, has been completely obsessed and fascinated with Halloween.  Forget Christmas, in fact, last Christmas he wanted anything that would resemble  Halloween.  Remote controlled zombies, a book on the undead, a skeleton puzzle....This year, save for a couple of days,we have spent EVERY DAY at one of the two Halloween stores in town.  It's like Disneyland to him.  The gore!  The zombie babies! The jumping spiders! The lurching vampire!  There is even an animatronic "Scream" character that , when you pick up the phone, says random quotes from the movie.  He wants that for his bedroom, to go with his collection of various skeleton wall hangings and outdoor Halloween decor.   But he absolutely, positively, refuses to watch Toy Story 3.

All because of that damn fluffly and pink Lotsa Bear changing the batteries in Buzz Lightyear.....




No children were harmed in the writing of this blog....